Monarch Mama

Daddy found a chrysalis in the back of his truck this week.  We cared for it and this morning it "hatched" eclose is the actual word.  Unfortunately our little friend was unable to get her wings unfurled before they dried.   This means that she will never fly.  Sadly there is nothing that can be done.  She will not make it.  I agonized over the reality of this all afternoon.  After much soul searching I decided to withhold that information from my sweet  girl.  I want her to keep her sense of wonder and magic a little longer.  There is time to learn about the harsh realities of nature later

We found a nice spot in a butterfly garden near her school to release our baby.  We told her that she would be with her family and friends and that she might see her flying around tomorrow.  I hope our little beauty meets a safe and peaceful passing.  I hope I never have to break the spell.

dinner like a family

"What do you want for dinner?" I ask.  "P'sketty" of course.  We rearranged the downstairs.  Living room into dining room and dining room into living room.  It is proving to be a much more functional arrangement.  With the change came a decision to start eating at the table.  Now being a Ragamama I have to admit that our family dinners have been few and far between.  So when I told my big girl about plans to eat in the "new" dining room she lit up and swooned "like a REAL family?"  I

 wanted to bust into tears.  "Yes baby like a real family."  She delighted in decorating and setting the table, a first for her.  She went upstairs and put on one of her pretty outfits and announced that she had dressed for dinner.  And she got to say Grace which was barely audible due to being shy and feeling so special.  Our conversation was full of new insight

s about school and friends and halloween costume plans.  The baby who is a very picky minimalist eater ate like a pig.  It was so classic, like dinners from my childhood.  I felt like June Cleaver.  The world outside and inside stood still for us.  We are a real family having P'sketty by candle light, checking in, laughing, stopping to appreciate the beauty of these girls in this moment.   The secret formula for family unity:  1 part table, 4 parts food,  4+ parts family members on time,  throw in dash of Grace and candle light,  mix together love and attention for each other and voila!  Instant Real Family!

This is the moment... the moment when her soul remembers.   She is connected to everything.  She is the wave, the water, the sun, the sand, and the sky. She is the goddess, the mermaid, the water bearer commanding the sea with one hand and paying reverence with the other.

Show Tonight

Earth Mama is a watercolor painting I am showing tonight at the Crossroads Gallery.  I received an Honorable Mention for her in the show Real People Real Recovery.  It will likely be a really fun night as Crossroads has several other shows opening there.

Hope to see you!

These Tender Moments

With my first daughter I had a goal of nursing her for one year.  I would "allow" her to continue for up to 18 months.  Then I would wean her.  Little did I know as a new mother that these moments would become among the most tender of our lives.  And when we reached 18 months she had no desire what so ever of giving it up.  She continued to nurse for another 9.  Now with my second, I played this trick on myself again.  Feeling the pressures from society about nursing toddlers, I started to pressure myself to stop her at 18 months.  Now I should know better, but that is the way it goes with me.  Despite my hippy mama education, I still worry about society's rules.  It was a profound relief yesterday when my husband noticed the struggle we were having.  I was trying to comfort her in every way but the breast, and she cried out in utter grief.  It went on for a while when he stepped in.  "Why are you weaning her early?"  I had a few reasons.  All of which seemed completely trivial in the face of her sorrow.  She is going to be my baby for about 15 more seconds.  She is my last baby.  Why am I pushing this?  A wave of surrender and gratitude came over me.  I had no idea of the kind of pressure I had put on myself and on her.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and had a let down.  The joys of nursing enveloped me again.  We settled down, she relaxed and was calmed.  The meaning of this blog and most of the art I make is to honor all the perfect and imperfect moments we have as mothers.  Ragamama is the nickname I give myself when I need to remember how perfectly imperfect I am.  And that it is all OK.  We all have our Ragamama days.  Tell me about your Ragamama moments. 

Moving in here

Just moving in from my previous location at my website caryyork.com

please pardon the mess